First published in the Valley News, Jan. 25, 2008.
What a non-issue civil unions are turning out to be.
I fully expected that the GOP candidates would leverage New Hampshire’s newly enacted civil union law to remind voters that only they will protect the traditional family. I’m sure there were comments made at rallies and in restaurants that I didn’t hear and that reporters chose to ignore. But short of Mike Huckabee’s statement in the ABC/WMUR/Facebook debate that he and Obama likely held different positions on same-sex marriage, fulminations against lesbian and gay couples simply failed to materialize.
In point of fact, the positions of Huckabee and Obama are much closer than one may realize — no viable candidate for the White House supports same-sex marriage — but consider what the silence in New Hampshire portends. Just a little more than a week before the Jan. 8 primaries, the local papers were abuzz with news of the law taking effect. The steps of the capitol became the Dixville Notch for gay couples as three dozen of them said their “I do’s” before family, friends and the media (and at least one cranky protester from Maine) at midnight on New Year’s Day. Projections from those in the know suggest that over 3,500 couples will take advantage of the new law in the first year alone. That ain’t chump change.
Meanwhile, the local GOP opposition isn’t even trying to overturn the law. At present, it hopes to repeal the provision that says New Hampshire will recognize out-of-state civil unions. News flash: Not gonna happen. Gay Vermonters who work in the Granite State are tired of being legal strangers every time we head east across the Connecticut River, and our allies in New Hampshire will rally for us. Besides, four states now have civil unions: Vermont, Connecticut, New Jersey and New Hampshire. Only one has same-sex marriage (Massachusetts.). The trend line says that more and more states will enact civil union laws, and just as in New Hampshire, more and more people will have no objection when that day comes.
Now fast-forward to the spring of 2009. Imagine the next president proclaiming that the federal benefits that attend civil marriage (well over 1,100) would be extended by executive order to all federal employees whose relationships have been registered in one of the 50 states. And imagine that president calling upon Congress to pass legislation to extend those benefits to all couples so registered.
I’m deliberately avoiding the M-word here because for years now I’ve argued that we as a nation need to divorce the legal benefits of marriage from the religious connotations of the word. I’ve argued that civil unions need to be available to all. And the collective shrug seen in New Hampshire suggests that a move in that direction is possible, both on a statewide and on a federal level.
After all, most of us intuitively grasp the distinction between a license filed away in a musty vault somewhere and the moment enacted before witnesses where two people wed their lives to each other. The latter, not the former, constitutes marriage. The rest is paperwork.
I do not discount the symbolic important the M-word has for many in our world today, which is why I’m happy to report that people routinely refer to my partner and I (neither one of us likes the word “husband”) as married. The state cannot withhold the word or the ceremonial rites of marriage.
The legal rights of marriage, in contrast, are held exclusively by the state. Let’s keep prying those rights free from the word itself. One of the fastest ways we can do that is to elect a president who can help make this distinction clearer, who respects all couples for their intrinsic worth and sees their genuine need for the protection of their relationships that only the law can afford. And when the GOP nominee starts squawking about civil unions on the state and federal level, say: You had your chance to speak up in New Hampshire. It’s time for you now and forever to hold your peace.