First published in the Chicago Free Press on August 9, 2006.
The latest Pew Research Center poll of Americans' social attitudes found that 56 percent of adults oppose gay marriage while only 36 percent support it. However, 54 percent said they support same-sex civil unions and only 42 percent oppose them. The poll of more than 2,000 people also found that adults under 30 are more supportive of gay marriage than people over 30 and that Americans are less likely than a few years ago to think that someone's sexual orientation can be changed.
A few quick points:
Elaborations:
Point #1. To many people, especially but not exclusively religious people, marriage is not something that can be extended to homosexuals because the word "marriage" means heterosexual unions—a bride and groom, man and woman. To speak of "gay marriage" is self-contradictory as if we were to speak of a round square or cold fire. There isn't any argument for this, it is just the way the world is.
To them, it is as if someone claimed that gravity pulls "up." We all could answer: "No, that direction is called down. You just don't understand what the word 'up' means." Or if somone claimed that parallel lines meet, we could all reply, "No, calling them 'parallel' means that they do not meet. That is what 'parallel' means." So all our counter-examples about childless heterosexual unions or same-sex couples with children simply have no persuasive power. They are irrelevant. How to reach such people requires careful thought.
Point #2. The pro-gay trend will continue as more gays are open about their lives and as gays are visible in popular culture. You're thinking of Lance Bass. Yes, but think too of the syndicated comic trip "Zits." On July 25, teenager Jeremy pointed at fellow-student Billy's shoes and says "Billy, your shoes look so gay." Billy replies patiently, "I AM gay, Jeremy," to which Jeremy replies "I know. I didn't mean 'gay' as in 'homosexual,' I meant 'gay' as in 'lame.'" Then in a thought bubble the puzzled Jeremy adds, "Why do people always misinterpret what I say?"
The strip is not only a wry critique of the popularity of "gay" as a generic put-down among students, it is remarkable for the casual way it introduces a gay character and lets Jeremy treat that fact as insignificant. It is a notable addition to the number of comic strips that have included gay characters such as "Doonesbury," "For Better or Worse" and "Brenda Starr." Things are changing: Less than twenty years ago the Tribune Syndicate forced the cancellation of a story line in "Winnie Winkle" in which Winnie's son Billy was to come out.
Point #3. The fraudulent "ex-gay" movement is simply the tail end of the century-long notion that homosexuality can be altered. Gay poet Edward Field's recent autobiography "The Man Who Would Marry Susan Sontag" (the reference is to gay writer Alfred Chester, not Field himself) reminded me of the enormous damage that error caused to gays who felt pressured in the 1940s, '50s and '60s to enter therapy to be heterosexualized. Martin Duberman's autobiography documents the same thing.
Therapy never worked—except to make gays unhappy, guilt-ridden, and sexually repressed. And it inhibited their assertion of legal and social equality. That is the real agenda of today's "ex-gay" programs. The Viennese satirist Karl Kraus once caustically observed, "Psychoanalysis is the disease for which it claims to be the cure." That statement is equally, especially true of the ex-gay movement. Incidentally, in case anyone (such as the New York Times) doubted Susan Sontag's lesbianism, Field discusses it at length.
Point #4. Although the Pew Research Center poll suggests a welcome increase in gay-supportive attitudes, that does not automatically or rapidly translate into legal or political progress. Referendums usually result in 5-10 percent lower support for gays than opinions surveys indicate. People lie to opinion pollsters, giving answers they think pollsters will approve and most "undecided" people are evading stating a negative opinion.
A more important factor, however, is that our opponents feel more intensely about gay issues than our heterosexual supporters. With a few honorable exceptions, for most of our supporters, gay equality is not a major motivating issue. Our opponents, whether motivated by religious doctrine, stereotypes or visceral distaste, are more likely to vote in elections, vote in primaries, and canvass among their friends and neighbors when gay issues are at issue.